Well, it's not surprising that it is Monday again and I'm writing in my blog. I guess it's a good enough habit to write at least once a week. It's just strange cause I don't plan it this way, it just happens.
Today is Memorial Day. The Day we remember all our Soldiers from past and present that have fought in our wars. Alive and Dead. It is a great day to make us remember all they do for our country and how much sacrifice they give to do so. You don't have to agree with any of the wars to still be behind our Soldiers. They, Unlike the Government, is doing what they think is right to defend our country. To keep us Free. To make our lives Better. You can only be thankful to people like that.
I guess I stopped writing last time when I was age 11 and we moved into our new house. It was only the second time I had moved in my entire life, and as a young person I was very very shy. It's hard to believe if you know me now, but it is true. So moving and starting new schools was pretty hard on me.
It seemed the last time I moved, one girl wanted to beat me up because her boyfriend said hi to me.. I didn't understand that whole situation.. I do know she had one of her friends come and get me from recess and she was standing up on the stairs and just looked down at me and said I made her want to puke. Then she ran up the stairs. I was like... ok... that was fun..and went back out side..
The second school I went to, I had about 4 girls start picking on me at recess and told me they were going to beat me up after school.. Why? Umm because they could I guess. I remember going back in school and at the end of the day I started crying and talked to a teacher about it.. And by the time I went to go home there was no one waiting for me..
Later that night I got really mad about it cause I know I didn't do anything to make them want to beat me up. They were just mean. So I decided if they wanted to beat me up that was fine but I was going to beat right back on them.. So the next day I went to school and the one girl Connie said she was going to wait for me after school.. I told her that is just fine but YOU are going to get beat up TOO!!!
After school no one was there.. again..
After that day I decided that No one was Ever going to bully me again.. If they wanted to fight then fine.. we would fight, but I was NOT going to be scared just because they wanted to run their mouths.
After that day I never had any trouble with anyone trying to beat me up again. Well, unless you want to count the neighborhood boy Steve that punched me in my arm ever day when I went past to go home. God he made me mad!! I would try to hit him back but he was like a Big tall Farm boy and when he would punch me it felt like my whole arm was going to fall off.. When I punched him back I don't think he even felt it.
Since we are talking about Steve I will tell you how it stopped.. One day he came over to my yard.. and he was coming toward me and I thought he was going to punch me again. So I went to kick him as hard as I could in the shin.. and I missed and caught him in his privates.. When he was hunched over I ran to the back yard and in the back door.. That must have been a Friday or we were off school cause I know I didn't come back outside for like 3 days..lol.. I was sure he would KILL me this time..
But when I did finally see him again he never tried to hit me again. He said I was TOO mean.. hahaha
Funny how things work out sometimes.. :)
I was in 6th grade when we moved.. I ended up being friends with Connie Fife.. the skinny girl that threatened to beat me up. I also made friends with the neighborhood guys. There was Connie's Brothers, Tim and Denny. Then there was Kirk Rees and Tim Buttz, and then Kevin and Tim Rehard, and their sister Kelly, who hung out with Connie's younger sisters, Brenda, Pam and Deb..
Most of the time Connie and some of the guys would just hang out in my yard. We would wrestle around and pick on each other and talk. I thought of all of us as pretty good friends.
At least until the day I was all dressed up in a cute little top and white slacks and I felt pretty good about how I looked, which was rare.. Well that day on the way home from school, it was me and Connie and I made to the corner across from my house and Kevin and Tim Rehard, Denny and Tim Buttz and maybe Kirk.. I don't remember Kirk being there.. anyway, they all come running at me and I had no clue what the hell they were doing.. They tackled me to the ground and held me there and ripped open my blouse so they could see my boobs.. Of course I had on a bra.. but I was so Shocked and embarrassed!! Then they let me up and I walked to my house and refused to cry til I got inside.. I told my mom what they did and she was really Mad!!
That night she went out and confronted Tim and Kevin and His Mom. She knew they would be coming by cause they delivered newspapers from their moms car.. My mom said they tried to deny it and she went off on them.. I don't know if Their mom ever did anything about it or not.
I kept my distance from all of them for a good long time. I was hurt and embarrassed and shakin down deep cause I thought they were my friends and they did that to me..
Kevin tried to make up for it by going and threatening Steve about punching me.. All that did was make me more mad.. What right does he have to try and defend me when he did what HE did to me??
As the time went by I slowly talked to them again, but was never really friends with them ever again. How could I be.. It's not like I could ever Trust any of them..
7th grade was just a tough year.. Later in the year Laura (Connie's Neighbor) who I walked to school with sometimes, came to get me for school and she told me that Connie's older brother Tim had got in a car wreck and died.. I was so shocked that I started laughing and said, no way.. She told me it was true.. I couldn't believe it.. He was only 16.
I guess after a football game between North (his school) and East, some kids started chasing him in the car and he was going fast trying to get away from them.. Well it was rainy out and he lost control and hit a Telephone pole. I guess he was in bad shape and at the hospital a blood clot hit his brain and killed him.
Connie's whole family was devastated.. So was I.. It was the first person I had ever known to have died.
Tim used to drive by in his car and yell out the window at me, Hi Beautiful!! I never thought of myself as beautiful except for that one second he would say it to me. :) He was a really special person, no matter who you asked.. He was missed by so many of his classmates also..
During 7th grade and the summer that followed my innocence was completely taken as far as how I viewed the world.
Not only did my friends attack me, I lost a friend, then that summer I went to stay with my Uncle and his pregnant wife to help her clean and so on cause she already had a 3 year old boy. I was to make 50 dollars or so a week. I was really excited because my Uncle Earl was the only one that acted like a dad to me. He seemed to care if I was happy or not and he listened when I talked. So I thought a lot of him. And to be able to make that kind of money over summer so I could buy my clothes and stuff for the next school year made me really happy.
My Mom didn't want me to go, but she knew it meant a lot to me so she agreed.
I don't remember what day it was when Earl come to pick me up. I just know I had my stuff packed and was ready to go. I had on a shirt and white shorts and sock and shoes I'm sure. My hair was just normal, hanging to my shoulders and I never wore make up yet...
When we got close to Cresco (where my relatives live) we stopped at my cousin (Earls Daughter) Helen's house and her husband and 3 year old baby that had water on his brain :(
We stopped right b4 then and Earl bought a bottle of Whiskey. He asked if I had ever drank it. I told him no. When we stopped at Helen's he told me not to mention it to them cause Helen's husband would drink it all. Anyway, we stayed for about an hour. Helen showed me her little baby. He was the size of a 6 month old, yet was 3. It was so sad. My cousin Helen is sort of mentally handicapped, so we all thought maybe that is why the baby was born the way he was. We didn't know, and of course I was just a child..
Helen Tried to get me to spend the night at her house but I thought about the whiskey and I really wanted to try it, so I told her no.
We left and went to Earls house.. When we got there it was all dark. We went in and I asked him where his wife and child were. He said they were at her mothers because he didn't know how late we would get back and she didn't want to be alone..
So, Earl got out the whiskey. He poured him a glass and me a glass. I didn't really watch what he was doing cause I had no idea about that stuff anyway. All I remember is drinking about 3 sips of it.. The next thing I remember is waking up in the morning in a bed (not the couch where I was sitting) and I had no pants or undies on!!! I was totally Horrified!! I knew he had to of Drugged me because I didn't drink hardly anything and I didn't know when he took me to the bedroom or what he did to me when I was out! I was so scared and sick to my stomach and my hair stunk and was gross!! I ran into the bathroom and cried and cried. I got dressed and tried to wash out my hair, and I cried some more.. Finally Earl knocked on the door. I told him to go away! He came in instead.. I was still crying and he asked me what was wrong!! He said, do you think you are pregnant?? You are Not!!! He said to get cleaned up and we were going to go get his wife and child. I did as I was told..
At his Mother in Law's house I felt so weird. I had never met her before, or his wife or his child.. I felt dirty and out of place. I felt violated and lied to. I felt my whole world had turned upside down and I had no where to run or to hide.. So I just stayed quiet..
The next two weeks I felt as if I was in some wacko side show for TV... I didn't want to be there but there was no way out. My parents were 3 hours away from me. To make matters worse.. Since I was so quiet, one day Earl decided I needed to go to work with him. So he made me get up at 5am and go to work in his big stinky dump truck that he picked up dead farm animals in all day long. He said I needed to learn to speak up for myself.. Little did he know that I felt like Killing him at this very moment for what he did to me. He is lucky I DIDN"T know how to express myself or he would have been in a lot of trouble. After all he slept in the next room from me...
His idea of making me outgoing was to ask the farmers where their dead animals were.. It didn't matter to me. I was not feeling shy.. I was NOT feeling much of anything.. cause that was how I was dealing with everything. So the day went by.. At the end of it he made me stand in the stinky back end of the truck and pull the cord to the hydraulic cable that was wrapped around the animals legs to pull them in the truck. It was the worst smell EVER and there were maggots Everywhere on the animals and in the truck all over the floor of it. But, he decided he would pay me a dollar a day to do this job.. So I did..
I remember one day they were all sitting on the steps outside the door at their home.. I walked out to see what they were doing and Earl was just getting ready to shoot a rabbit.. I hit his gun and made him miss.. He thought this was funny.. I just looked at him like he was an idiot..
Another time (cause Earl likes to pinch little kids and make his wife cry) he was fighting with his Wife and she was crying. I had enough.. I yelled at him to Knock it Off!!! Both of them stopped instantly and both started to laugh.. I looked at both of them like they were crazy and just went in the other room.. I Thought I would never get out of this mad house..
Finally two weeks later, Earl and his wife and son went somewhere and I didn't want to go with them. So I stayed there by myself. Well, my cousin Susie showed up on my doorstep and told me to get all my things, that my mom and dad were on there way to get me. I was so shocked!! I asked her why they were coming to get me? She said because they heard things from my cousin Helen and others about things Earl was doing to me and they come to get me out of there.
I was so happy!! I ran and got my stuff and we were at Susies so fast! I felt relieved until I started thinking about having to tell my parents. Because I felt bad about drinking the whiskey.. So I felt like it was partly my fault for what had happened too.. That of course is the thinking of an abused child..
When my parents got there my mom hugged me and asked if Earl had done anything to me. She said she would KILL him if he had!! That scared me REALLY bad.. I didn't want my Mom to go to prison for killing such a BAD Man that deserved it!! So I told her nothing had happened.. :( I wish to this day I would have told her then. I don't think she would have killed him really, but maybe she would have called the police or something.. Idk.. It would have saved alot of heart ache in my life if I had told them and had someone to talk to about it.. Keeping it a secret inside of me did nothing but Harm to me..
Ok.. I think I'm going to stop here .. 7th grade is still hard to live thru, just writing about it.. But, it's part of me and my history and what has made me the person I am.. So.. I will move on to 8th grade when I return..
Again, if anyone has any comments or questions, please feel free to ask.. I will answer the best I can..
Bye for now,
Aunita
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